The lord said it was not my time. What if lose him too? But heres my two cents. She managed to beat breast cancer but mysterious complications ultimately took her life. We were married 60 years. I thought I was moving forward but the holidays have definitely set me back. 3. I miss him so much. Take it from an old guy. Im staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I dont know how Im going to live the rest of my life without him. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. I think everyone thinks I should have moved on and gotten over it. Take care of yourself. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. I am not suicidal but if i knew my life would end soon, I would be ok with it . I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U.S. where the nightmares and fear continues with daily presidential tweetsa distraction I wish I didnt havebut a distraction from grief none the less. I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. She said if Im going to die. The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. Though there is one other Uncle, brother of my Mums, he lives in rural Ireland, only has a land line phone, has ongoing mental health conditions. Interesting about the feathers too. She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. Life is so unfair. this is life what we deal with as best we can. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. i can stare at the bookwork i need to do and its as far as i get. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. If you're a painter, sculptor, or woodworker, create something each year. I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. We followed every possible treatment available, but to no availhis caner won out and I was left alone to face the future, to pick up the pieces and to move on with my new life. Wants me to be happy to live my life and get on with it. Dont expect today to be hard and tomorrow to be easy. It's been 20 years since you passed. I met my husband at 16 years old married at 18, we were married 41 1/2 years. Though I always feel that way. All destroyed by diagnosis of lung spread to brain cancer just 2 days before our 2nd daughters wedding. im old hahahaha Ive had periods of peace, but when Im alone sometimes, it hits me hard. Read as much as you can and talk an listen as much as you can and find the way through this. I find myself taking too him when I get in bed The death of your child and the pain that comes with it don't disappear after 10 years another reality I slowly crashed into. Many people have said to me (and they still do), you have your kids and she is in them Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. It makes me cry to see us dance together, but it reminds me that he was once a living breathing person who loved me deeply. Im so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. Many of the people I work with are several years past their loss and are struggling with confidence and decision making. It is not a accounted for grief. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. Is this intense feeling bc 1 year, Yes I can relate I lost my dear husband to cancer the same he thought he was a very heath man I was out of town when he just went in for his regular yearly dr apt and they wanted to do more test and he was home along when they told him that he had stage 4 cancer and passed away 2 months later after 52 hours a week of camo and radiation everyday i still really dont understand how it could be just still trying to understand it hold thing most days I still think Im dreaming so I just pray every night and all in the day please god help me threw this and the holidays I hate so I pray that god help me find joy in them again cause right now there is nothing just want them to come and go away fast. He passed fifteen days after our 47th Anniversary. The coworker who was back to work smiling only a few days after her Dad died? I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. In two months it will be a year since my mom died. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! RIP. Hello Diana, Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. and I know now I am not going crazy. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. Grieving the loss of a parent is personal. Waiting for that day. Its too hard to live without them. TERRI..It is 13 months and 20 days since my soul mate died..yesterday in work I felt truly happy for the first time since he died..it is 10pm today and the whole day has bee one of the worst..I have two dogs so I hide away ..put my head down on my arms and cry so they cant hear me.I work full time so am OK in work but I am so lonely without him..my children are interstate..along with my bestie of 50 years.I have no close friends outside of work..I make an effort to go out and socialize but am surrounded by couples..so come home as I miss him even more..if it werent for my two dogs I wouldnt be hereI dont know how much longer I can live live thisI have told no ome else how close I am to ending my own life..this lasses but right now the urge is overwhelming me..thanks for reading..if you doI am writing to you as you have the most recent post.. Ann.. On this day of mourning, you and your loved ones are in our thoughts. Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. My brain is no longer frantic to fix it, as it was during the entirety of the first year. I just retired early at 64 we bought a retirement home to be near daughter and grandchild. unexpected way. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. I lost my dad 14 months ago, and today I feel as though I had just lost him this morning. The what its are going to kill me. I will be praying for both of us. the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, its empty. I feel guilty that I am still mourning the loss after two years of my brother`s passing. My third recommendation is a book titled Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah. We all know that with life there is death. He was 70 years old. Ericka, I relate. My head seems out of sorts most days and I just dont know how to pull ahead. Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. The pain is worth it and no one is spared. But I miss my husband every day and feel Im in an impossible situation. I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! I have just been reading through this site and found your response to minelike you..I dont want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furriesI know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again..hope you have settled into your job.work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. I feel like Im struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. I feel I no purpose and all alone. I pray everyday for the lord to take me. I wish someone would share some hope.. something to inspire me to keep going. I work full time sometimes 14 hours a day and Im exhausted. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. Theres nothing that the doctor could do for him he live nine days I think the when the doctor told her what was wrong it killed him knowing he was so bad and nothing that could be done. I lost my husband if thirty years of I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately. Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. I loved My wife 12/15/2018 just a week before Christmas Just a week before that she got to see most of her family at her grandmothers funeral. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. I am lost. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. you feel the loss even greater i feel. That was the dilemma facing Americans who received $1,200 stimulus payments in 2020 by paper check or direct deposit, in the names of deceased spouses and other family members. Others think you are strong and doing fine. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. I was her care giver, but now going on the second year, I still have so many regrets . I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. I still have to live. I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24.its still hard to cope. Ive lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I became a widow 25 months ago. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. I miss him so much. And now Im beginning year 2 without him but it doesnt feel any less of a loss. My heart hurts. Its familiar, but different. I continue to struggle everyday with my loss. Just to let them know that they arent up here alone. We are not supposed to understand. Its been two years coming up and the loss has gotten worst. For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss. I pray the memories of her life will last forever. Biden's $1.5 trillion budget proposal also did not call for funding for the construction of the border wall. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. Peace and acceptance will come. He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. I really think it helps. I lost my mother Nov. 2013, my father march 2015, my stepmother feb 2016, my mother in law march 2016, my son may 2016 and his father july 2016 This is one year I will never get over. But now Im starting to feel tired. He never opened his eyes. Being alone is the worst. Jackie, you put into words all i have been unable to say. It was such an intense time I was caring for her at nights and weekends and working full time during the day. I lost my only child Rob on Thanksgiving 2016 to a heroin overdose. He also missed eating her sticky rice because according . She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. Why are you tormenting me like this?! In March of this year, she said to me on are way to the hospital. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. Dad has passed 18 mths now. I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. Am I alone feeling like this? Hospitals wouldnt admit. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. Its definitely tough every year and Im on year 4. Ive grown in ways I did not know I needed to. WHY? So young, we promised to grow old together 10 shortyears. Thats hard at 69 . Because of the high . And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. And every day I think about her. Even now, I cant believe hes not here! At 66 tomorrow, birthday week for both of us. Linda, I was with my husband less than ten years, I have found time together is not what counts, it is how deeply you loved. And usually in his favourite colours. I made her . Im on year four already and dealing with grieve again. And I think of him everyday . Second year I basically ran, walked alone on hikes, tried to get to know the new place. But I think I am doing ok in my grieving process, just grieving intensely right now. Be patient with those who dont understand. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. He was gone and there was nothing he could do about it or me. 1 time she was just glowing and smiling but did not talk. All in all he was fortunate t I be taken fast. The one thing I found was when my mum passed I felt lonely even though there were people around me. I do have my faith and helps sustain me Though true, it doesnt help. My grief totally took over my life. Excessively avoiding reminders or good memories . What to do now with the time Im given and the people before me? The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. But you learn that youll survive them. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. Died. I found The Five Wishes online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying. I believe the first year I was numb. Courtesy Marisa Renee Lee. God has given me strength to carry on. The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. But Im thankful I have had someone in my life that has meant so much that Im devasted not to be with him right now. Lost. I grieve with you Lynn. And someday, my soul will find yours. And now guilt because of some things I am doing. Then my son came to mind, he was having fun with his dad before he left for a walked, now hell wake up without him. I have been dating someone for six months now. There are no rules about how you . Perhaps because of expectation expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didnt. It doesn't heal them, but it gives us the opportunity to learn from them. It was more than a human can handle but. wishing id been around more. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. We were lovers and partners for 32 years. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. I feel guilty a lot because how I acted towards her through it, it just seemed like no end in site. They always say it will get better. Its worse now that Im no longer numb. I have a thousand other feelings: guilt about all the I should haves, missing the tender times, missing the humor only we shared, gratitude for the wonderful man he was, etc. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn't do enough to help them. Maybe its some physical thing. It was the hardest Xmas every. The pain comes in waves. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. I function. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off. I was doing what I thought was fairly good considering he wasnt here, Then I began to wonder why am I still here? Its way too much of a hassle! Try not to do that to your other child. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. But they didnt get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. I understand what you are going through. Very impressive. We were and still are devastated. You WILL be fine, if you let yourself be, give permission to yourself to be. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. I feel I have no strength and he would want me to be strong. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. I still find myself breaking down behind closed doors, and hate going through the motions of life pretending like everything is fine. Hi Holly, Its been five and a half months for me since my husband died. Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. I miss him so very much. Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please? My life really feels over. what are you supposed to do when every major holiday is colored by the loss of a loved one or dearly loved pet? My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. I am integrating my old life with my new life. Since then, I have no clue or direction with what to do with my life. But I never did. It NEVER stops hurting. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. To say I miss him, cant never give me the I have an idea. Yesterday i felt like a knife plunged into my heart 2 years ago and hasnt come out yet. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. I am 39, I could live a long time yet. But mostly hurt and emptyness. What am I suppose to do now? Dunno if I will ever heal completely and not sure if qould want to if I could. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. Hi Heather So numb. I am heart broken but as a lot of you have mentioned, it is just a different life of getting used to breathing and coping on my own.. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. He had a rare form of cancer for I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Dont feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. Its been 5 months for me though. The pain is awful. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. Im not sure if I feel better or worse, reading these stories! He was my best friend as well as my Father. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. My prayers be with you all. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. This is my first time reading all the posts. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. The federal government had sent stimulus payments to about 1.1 million dead people totaling nearly $1.4 billion. Mar 23, 2020 - Explore Pam Jenkins's board "Missing you since you went to Heaven", followed by 387 people on Pinterest. I want to be with him. Im in my 16 month. I am short tempered and any direct insult toward me sets me off. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. The death of a child is brutal, messy, cruel. Blurry. I lost my son 19 months ago and I dont believe I will ever get on with my life. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. So sad. Days and feel so alone at times afraid to speak of my grief people telling me I should be fine. Ann, Im so sorry for every ones lost,,Im to. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. I dont want to go anywhere but have to. Do not see life as getting in the way of your love for your husband, Im sure he wouldnt want that either. I thought the second year would be easier. You do. Good luck to all of you. He Loved life and taught me and my children to embrace it. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said Dont Do That! I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). We were I say to myself to what end? Watching all my friends with their husbands makes me so sad. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. Please keep me in prayer as I figure out what my nect steps are. I am 54 now. My dad died 20 months ago. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. And that you do, move on with your life. Why is God so cruel? They say I have chose him over them so theyre pretty much through with me what I need help dont know which way to turn. My spouse passed away a limitless more than year ago . Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. I want to be with my Harry. This will never get better or easier I cant go outside. Saying Im sorry for your loss doesnt cut it but being thru situations Im sorry youre lost because I know I am. Especially when retirement is in the near future. God has healed me quite a bitI have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and cant adjust. Well all be reunited with our loved ones one day. Ann! Theres little relief and not having my husband of 41 yrs here with me is suffocating. I share everyones pain expressed here. He was told he had six month and he lived shy two days of six months. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure. According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. This was without doubt the hardest thing Ive ever done. You have always provided the family with care, concern, and love. Ill die with it there. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. At 4 days old she came into my life as a bottle baby, I fought so hard to keep her alive, she defied the odds for 27 months. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. My husband was a Paramedic, and worked in the emergency department at a hospital. I hope you have found your way Her smile and laugh and crazy hair. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. So be it. I was absolutely devastated. Not everyone is like that just some of us. Now year two is truly confusing. Strong for me I think. its been around 17 months since I lost my husband, we were married for 34 Years, he was almost 62 when he died suddenly in his sleep of heart failure. I dont think Ill ever be ok again. I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. I can totally understand these feelings. I told him, I cant drink, because I cant even swallow! His response was, of course you can swallow, it just hurts. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. On the way to get my daughter and son. Just keep living until you feel alive again, My life died October 26 2016 Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. Stay open to the idea of hope and optimism but dont set a timeline for its arrival. I keep trying to get back into a life but I cry often. I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. You were and always will be the love of my life. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante.

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