His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when hes done, poof, the light goes off?, Oh, no, exclaims Bonnie. Youre it! That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest. Treating those tender spotsyour own and your partnerswith reverence and care deepens trust and creates healing. Ever wondered how why did the chicken cross the road became a thing? Well get ready, because Im about to be gorgeous., 27. But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm, he complained. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. It can be a shared little world of private jokes, silly characters, and inside jokes that build trust and bring you closer to each other. Two whales walk into a bar. I want to achieve it by not dying. Woody Allen, The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. Local man killed by falling piano. A hobo knocks on the door of the St. George and the Dragon Inn. And what about your strengths? Im Batman.Anonymous, After security tackles you on the red carpet? I have been working as a couples therapist for 20 years, and I know how many fights begin because someone cant take a joke.. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have? Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team Submitted by Reid Faylor. ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} Its easy, replies the ranger. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. What other woman? Adam shot back. Theyre so noisy, he complained. Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. Got anything less expensive?Submitted by Rosemary Covert, Snake 1: Are we poisonous? He was just going through a stage. What are you? asks the cat. Well, theyre not laughing now. A talking clock? If you do not understand English, press 2. Recording on an Australian tax help line. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast. I can only please one person a day. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes 41 of Bill Baileys most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners Q: Youre riding a horse at full speed. lifeguard air ambulance new mexico hassan has plastic surgery hassan has plastic surgery New Flat-Panel Television Pitch Turn-Signal Vermilion Credit-Card Magnetic-Strip Coal Netflix-Envelope Scarlet Cubicle Ecru Unraked-Leaves Sienna Energy-Efficient Fluorescent-Bulb Quartz Blue-Screen-of-Death CobaltSubmitted by Casey Johnston, One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office. They make up everything. The doctor says, Larry, everything looks great. But they were fully booked. 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners ", "If life givesyou melons, you might be dyslexic. Both as a joke, but also because she was peeved, Alyshah then moved . Oh look, just put me down for five.Submitted by Kerrie Pont, The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness: What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen? He did what any honest man would do, said the witness. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, Daddy! 40 of the funniest jokes about Brexit They planet. Making this distinction can help us make amends. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk. That's why it's helpful to have a good one-liner in your back pocket. It never really took off. Milton Jones, Recently I went on a ballooning holiday I put on four stone! Milton Jones. Uncle G: How much does it cost to stay in it? 'I knew it! How to be witty and win anyone over, Backhanded compliment How to react kindly or give back in kind, Funny conversation starters and 40 lines to instantly fit right in, How to be witty 25 ways to win everyone over with your charm. All jokes aside, I am so grateful for you" If you fell in a bucket of tits, you'd come out sucking your thumb. "You can't make somebody love you. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. ! Now, in addition to feeling embarrassed, Jenna also feels invalidated. Corny Dad Jokes We're Embarrassed to Admit Made Us Laugh, 30 Nerd Jokes for People Who Embrace Their Inner Smarty-Pants, These Funny Math Jokes Truly Have No Equal, 20 Smart and Funny Examples of the Nerd Meme, 25 Parents Who Expertly Trolled Their Kids, You Won't Believe These Hilarious Tinder Pickup Lines Actually Worked, The 15 Funniest Harry Potter "Yo Mama" Jokes, 18 Super Funny and Creative Business Cards, Best Anti-Gun Jokes and One-Liners About Gun Control. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". Couldn't pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel. All rights reserved. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, Make the entire ocean into beer! The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew. The bartender says, Whatll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.. Well, historically speaking, more powerful., 19. How are you?, OK, says the first producer. Submitted by Adam J. Smargon, A: When its pasture bedtime. I started lusting, Father., Yes, says the priest, Lust is a dangerous sin., Theres more, says the man. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Is someone being a total dick and youre at a loss for what to say? The air is so fresh it smells like flowers. Stop! cries the second cockroach. If you laugh at these dark jokes, youre probably a genius. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Oh yesthe news. ._9ZuQyDXhFth1qKJF4KNm8{padding:12px 12px 40px}._2iNJX36LR2tMHx_unzEkVM,._1JmnMJclrTwTPpAip5U_Hm{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyText);margin-bottom:40px;padding-top:4px;text-align:left;margin-right:28px}._2iNJX36LR2tMHx_unzEkVM{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2iNJX36LR2tMHx_unzEkVM ._24r4TaTKqNLBGA3VgswFrN{margin-left:6px}._306gA2lxjCHX44ssikUp3O{margin-bottom:32px}._1Omf6afKRpv3RKNCWjIyJ4{font-size:18px;font-weight:500;line-height:22px;border-bottom:2px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line);color:var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyText);margin-bottom:8px;padding-bottom:8px}._2Ss7VGMX-UPKt9NhFRtgTz{margin-bottom:24px}._3vWu4F9B4X4Yc-Gm86-FMP{border-bottom:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line);margin-bottom:8px;padding-bottom:2px}._3vWu4F9B4X4Yc-Gm86-FMP:last-of-type{border-bottom-width:0}._2qAEe8HGjtHsuKsHqNCa9u{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyText);padding-bottom:8px;padding-top:8px}.c5RWd-O3CYE-XSLdTyjtI{padding:8px 0}._3whORKuQps-WQpSceAyHuF{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon);margin-bottom:8px}._1Qk-ka6_CJz1fU3OUfeznu{margin-bottom:8px}._3ds8Wk2l32hr3hLddQshhG{font-weight:500}._1h0r6vtgOzgWtu-GNBO6Yb,._3ds8Wk2l32hr3hLddQshhG{font-size:12px;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._1h0r6vtgOzgWtu-GNBO6Yb{font-weight:400}.horIoLCod23xkzt7MmTpC{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:#ea0027}._33Iw1wpNZ-uhC05tWsB9xi{margin-top:24px}._2M7LQbQxH40ingJ9h9RslL{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon);margin-bottom:8px} They got six months each. Alex Del Bene. .FIYolDqalszTnjjNfThfT{max-width:256px;white-space:normal;text-align:center} Lord, he prays. How ironic that teasing is something that can both enhance connection and sever it. Wow these drinks are big!, The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.. Ill ask your sister. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora. 52. While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. I always say Morning instead of Good Morning, because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people., 2. A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. The jury comes back with the verdict. Chuck Norris won an arm . Especially if youve got hay fever. Milton Jones. 4 / 20. You can only stalk them and hope for the best. [Read:55 funny quotes about love and all its complications], 6. He needed a little space. The walls are so clean you cant run up them. Ive led a very full life, says the dog. Im doing great! The light goes off.. One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night. How do you put up with it? I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.Submitted by Marilyn Adkins, Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the towns morals, stuck her nose into everyones business. The light goes on. A man is struggling to find a parking space. Weinstein, Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. You may not be able to get your kid to eat their greens, but you can at least get a laugh out of them at the dinner table with this comprehensive list of the funniest food jokes for kids. Ill tell you whatnever again. Here, boy, he replies. Sadly, female airline pilots are still relatively rare. A: Copies. Submitted by Sai Gautam, Me: Im going to go skydiving for my 40th birthday. One looks over at the other and says: Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?. I remember the day I earned my first dollar, he said. Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. !" It was a long, dramatic, drawn-out way of telling us to shut-up. What's a cat's favorite dessert? 16. As they are walking out of the restaurant, Jenna starts to rifle through her purse to find her keys. I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Can I join you? Why, am I falling apart? I replied. Since shes in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. A: A steeping bag. What are you doing? Counting your ribs.Submitted by William Halliday. He immediately smells alcohol on the priests breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. My wifes having a heart attack and youre running around naked scaring the kids!, Im sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine. Your husband fell into a vat of beer and drowned., Mrs. Smith wails, Oh, the poor man! Son, what do IDK, LY and TTYL mean? He texts back, I dont know, love you and talk to you later. The mom replies, Its OK, dont worry about it. 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country I said to her, Everything is so so white Grandma doesnt even know where the road is. She innocently replied, Grandma, its under the snow. Submitted by Bonnie Gronning, There is a lot of competition for parking at the local dental office, hence the sign: Dental office parking only. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes Its called balance., 3. One day, I saw him reach for the glass of dandelion water and stopped him just before he drank from it. Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? But that's not all. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners 3.. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Dont miss this collection of the best knock knock jokes for kids. Get to know these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day! "c**tpuffin, "It's always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally. Love you too. Laughfactory.com, Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? 8. Are you at peace with God?, Larry replies, God and I are tight. What are you drinking? he asks the guy. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes , jokes for kiddos , mom jokes , and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier ' @woodyluvscoffee. I dont know why. Last New Years Eve, I finished work and raced to catch the bus, but by 12:10 it still hadnt come, so I figured Id likely missed it. A receding hare-line. I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, its raining! He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants. Submitted by Nilesh Patel, At the local hospitals emergency room, the nurse joked, as she fitted me with an ID wristband, Youve been bar-coded! I, being 72, added, Long past the best-before date. Submitted by Colin Campbell, If you understand English, press 1. The captain comes ashore and notices three huts. Thats exactly the effect you want to have! Nurse: When? 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners That evening, he decides to go out. .c_dVyWK3BXRxSN3ULLJ_t{border-radius:4px 4px 0 0;height:34px;left:0;position:absolute;right:0;top:0}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;margin-top:32px}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3 ._33jgwegeMTJ-FJaaHMeOjV{border-radius:9001px;height:32px;width:32px}._1OQL3FCA9BfgI57ghHHgV3 ._1wQQNkVR4qNpQCzA19X4B6{height:16px;margin-left:8px;width:200px}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:12px 0}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx ._29TSdL_ZMpyzfQ_bfdcBSc{-ms-flex:1;flex:1}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx .JEV9fXVlt_7DgH-zLepBH{height:18px;width:50px}._39IvqNe6cqNVXcMFxFWFxx ._3YCOmnWpGeRBW_Psd5WMPR{height:12px;margin-top:4px;width:60px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN{height:18px;margin-bottom:4px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._2E9u5XvlGwlpnzki78vasG{width:230px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN.fDElwzn43eJToKzSCkejE{width:100%}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._2kNB7LAYYqYdyS85f8pqfi{width:250px}._2iO5zt81CSiYhWRF9WylyN._1XmngqAPKZO_1lDBwcQrR7{width:120px}._3XbVvl-zJDbcDeEdSgxV4_{border-radius:4px;height:32px;margin-top:16px;width:100%}._2hgXdc8jVQaXYAXvnqEyED{animation:_3XkHjK4wMgxtjzC1TvoXrb 1.5s ease infinite;background:linear-gradient(90deg,var(--newCommunityTheme-field),var(--newCommunityTheme-inactive),var(--newCommunityTheme-field));background-size:200%}._1KWSZXqSM_BLhBzkPyJFGR{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetBackgroundColor);border-radius:4px;padding:12px;position:relative;width:auto} Ugh! the student groaned. How did you do it? he asked. Well well wellif it isnt autocorrect. Jokes. The first little boy says, Ill have some @#$%^& pancakes., The mother angrily sends him to his room for cursing. ", "It's thinly sliced cabbage. The cop replies: Then why do I smell wine?, The priest looks at the bottle and says: Good Lord! 15. Four-year-old boy I babysit: *suspicious* Me: *Lays out books* Four-year-old: Well, this is disappointing. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. ", "If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Its not until an hour or two later that you come up with a one-liner to knock them off their feet. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora.'. Why did the chicken go to the sance? So now I got me a wooden peg., When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. Why cant you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? [Read: 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing]. Ill never part with it!. Whether youre looking to tell it like it is, or offer someone a confusing truth about human behavior, these quotes to live by are sure to help you out. Check out our all-time funniest work jokes. She then reassured him by adding, Now, if you do everything Ive told you, you wont be with us for long.. Via Getty Images/ Dalton Rasmussen / EyeEm. You couldn't hit the broadside of a barn from inside the barn. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? Dont miss theseclever grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate. 10. "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners My New Years resolution is to get in shape. Mr. "Women are like iPhones. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Hes fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! Couldn't run a chook raffle. Tap To Copy. Were giving you the best smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by. W hen you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! But hay its in my jeans. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. Ive decided to sell my Hoover it was just collecting dust. Looking at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting. I once had a teacher with a lazy eye. 73. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs, The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I liked a show just because I watched 13 hours of it. Since Margaret was gone several minutes, she felt the need to explain her absence to me: My friend and I arent able to spend much time together anymore because she is more decapitated than I am. Submitted by Vicki Alum, At a job review, my boss told me this year the company would compensate for inflation but that additional raises would be considered on a case-by-case basis. Where are average things manufactured? Here are the funniest court cases of all time! Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. A car hit an elderly man. Did you hit him with the golf club? Yes, I did, sobs the woman. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Theres a nasty bug going around.Submitted by D.G. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. Its that love/hate thing that means you cant stand them on one hand, but you find them hilarious on the other. Now what do you want? the woman asks. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes So, as you can see, I said, Im doing a lot more than inflating at my desk. I got the raise. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Let her spell small animals, not big ones, said her mom. My ex had one very annoying habit. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. I laughed at all of your jokes My love you didn't need to coax Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore . Maybe youll find a brain back there., 45. Snake 1: I just bit my lip. If youre cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?, 12. Submitted by Greg Madden. I never even listen when you tell me them. The landlady answers. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. Its better to be late than to arrive ugly. Marilyn Monroe, 24. He never lets me forget that. Submitted by Wendy Davis, My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brothers surprise party. Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the cars indicators are working. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. Winston Churchill, 36. It also helps you to face the world together as a team. You know, this is my first operation. Except at a funeral.Demetri Martin, A guy walks into a dentists office and says, I think Im a moth., The dentist replies, You shouldnt be here. Is a baby covered in cream, saying, Ah! The sign says its okay, replied the visitor. Submitted by Hoss Alfred. My Grandmother's favorite saying was actually a song. When Im done, poof! Alyshah Mehdi, a 19-year-old from Karachi, Pakistan, has been friends with a guy named Shayyan for a while, but lately, they've had "beef going on" between them, she told BuzzFeed News. 79. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west! Rodney Dangerfield. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. But doesnt that suit fit great?. She looks great! Never trust atoms. From the next room over, my dad yelled, Shes money laundering!Submitted by Shinae Hartley, A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. Well, the hut one on the left is where I live, says the man. ", "Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions - Funny Husband Wife Joke Gift - 11 OZ Coffee Mug . ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. However, if you can do the raised eyebrow look, it will add a dose of irony and really? to your quote. He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word. ', The wife smiles, and says 'Thank you, that means a lot.'". Im actually not funny. Daddy! These hilarious jokes about marriagewill crack you up. .LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH{fill:var(--newRedditTheme-actionIcon);height:18px;width:18px}.LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH rect{stroke:var(--newRedditTheme-metaText)}._3J2-xIxxxP9ISzeLWCOUVc{height:18px}.FyLpt0kIWG1bTDWZ8HIL1{margin-top:4px}._2ntJEAiwKXBGvxrJiqxx_2,._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{vertical-align:middle}._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-inline-flexbox;display:inline-flex;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center} In the piano! That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. Im going back to living my fabulous life before you interrupted it to remind me that there are still assholes in this world., 20. And, of more recent coinage, for our Iraqui readers: Couldn't organise a hanging on a gallows. Everyone loves a smartass, whether they want to admit it or not. It all happened so fast., A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see whos best at his job. Keep these funny holiday jokes in mind for your next party! No, it doesnt. Yes, it does. Its a talking clock, the drunk replied. Submitted by Joni Krats, Working in a library, one of the tasks we have to do twice a week is call patrons about their overdue items. After a few minutes, the bird yells, Wheres my scotch? Have trouble making it to the punchline? She poured some milk into the saucer and Jim did likewise. Get Your Laugh on with these funny redneck sayings: He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!, I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. Hes not breathing and his eyes are glazed. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. What are they used for? the captain asks.

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